


The Cure for Anything

by mtn_views



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-13 04:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16010699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtn_views/pseuds/mtn_views
Summary: Coming off of the hardest few months of her entire life, Christen decides to take her six year old son on a trip to the mountains. She knew it would be hard but turns out with the memories, it's harder than she could ever have imagined. Things take a change for the best, or maybe the worst, however when she quite literally runs into the happiest person she's ever met.





	1. They Say Time is the Only Healer

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo I started this fic (and last updated it over a year ago - it was titled In Time). I am truly sorry for not keeping up with it. I've decided to keep working on it, but wanted to try and rework it some so it wasn't in first person. I'll be rereleasing chapters with possible minor plot changes as I get them switched over. I'll likely break each chapter up into two smaller ones so you can get them sooner. Then I hope to keep going with it at a semi-consistent basis.

Slowly she made her way over to the mirror. Thinking only that she looked as rough as she felt. As she begins to methodically pull her mane into a simple french braid she thinks about the last three hours. It had been hard without Jackson here to distract her as she fluttered around the hotel room. She had hoped to spend the time reading, being transported to another time and space. When her mind refused to leave the present, she tried watching tv, when that didn’t cut it she simply sat in silence and let the tears fall. Now she had to walk across the complex to pick Jackson up from Kids Night Out. It’s good that he went, she could recognize that. She feels like she’s failing him so hard right now, a thought which brings fresh tears to her eyes. He needs to get away sometimes and just be a kid, not an six year old fraught with worry for his mom. His life hasn’t been easy. Nope it’s been the opposite of that but they’d been making so much progress before her own life fell apart, and what had become his safe new world - crumbled. She washes her face and puts her glasses on, accepting that nothing could salvage those puffy red eyes. She takes a few deep breaths and walks out the door. 

She spends the hundred yard walk telling herself she can do this. One foot in front of the other, smile, find Jackson - sure to be jumping off the walls at this point - get through bedtime. She can do this. She makes it past the concierge desk and heads up the stairs, same odd geometric carpeted stairs in rich colors that she’d walked up so many times before, but everything is different now. One foot in front of the other, smile…

“Nuh uh dude, Batman is way cooler than Spider-Man, he can do everything and anything any superhero can do because he uses his brain and ...” 

**Omph!**

Warm strong hand grab her waist as she starts to lose her balance. When she looks up her eyes lock with eyes that are joyful and carefree, a quick scan of the rest of the face and she’s met with the wonkiest purest smile she thinks she’s ever seen. She can remember being happy, or at least she can remember a time when there was the absence of despair. She’s confident however, that she has never radiated that kind of pure happiness before. Speechless and paralyzed, her legs seemingly forget their purpose. Now this, this is actually not surprising - sure she could blame it on her _circumstances_ or on the fact that those hands, still on her waist, warm her previously numbed soul; but the truth is she almost laughs, that she is just so damn awkward it hurts sometimes. And apparently, and well rather unfortunately she muses this is one of those times, _yay_. 

“Um I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going, you see I was in the middle of a heated debate, because Jackson here thinks Spider-man is the coolest…” The smile begins, before it disappears replaced with a flat line of concern “ma’am are you ok? Are you hurt?” 

Shit, her smile, how could she forget to smile? One foot in front of the other, smile. She’s only been repeating that for ten minutes. Oh she ponders, maybe it’s because when you see a smile like the one that just disappeared you wonder, why bother smiling at all, it’ll never light up a room like that. “Yes sorry, fine, sorry, ok, not hurt” She stammers. Cringing at her own eloquence _Oh that was smooth Christen._ The coffee colored eyes are searching hers, like they know how big of lie that just was. Eventually the hands slowly retract and her whole body is suddenly consumed with a chill. She wraps her arms around her stomach to hide the shiver, or maybe she realizes she’s does it to hold herself together. 

“Tobin! I swear sometimes you’re worse than the kids! Keep your ‘debates’ away from the entry way, please. And honestly how do your debates become so animated that you’re running into the guests?” Laughs a calming voice. “My names Lauren, who are you here to pick up?” 

She glances over towards Lauren, her face is kind with beautiful curly hair sitting on top of her head in a classy messy bun. She briefly wonders why her messy buns never look that good. She glances back at the first girl, Tobin, her smile is back in place, but if she’s not mistaken there is still a hint of concern in it. 

Her lips twitch upwards as she points to the now sulking boy, no doubt upset because he’s not ready to leave this haven of normalcy, standing next to Tobin “I’m here for Jackson actually.” 


	2. If it's meant to be.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin can't help but hope she'll get another opportunity to find out the story behind those sad eyes.

“But mom I’m not ready to leave, five more minutes? Please?” Comes a sad but subdued voice from next to Tobin. Not at all the same rambunctious voice that was just arguing the finer points of Spider-man’s superiority in the superhero world. Which come on Spider-man is cool and all, especially since he doesn’t need any special equipment, just his wrists, yeah the boy had a point. But Batman didn’t need to be bit by a radioactive spider and he can… 

“Jackson please buddy, lets just go I’m literally like the last mom here, I waited as long as I possibly could so you could stay, I’m sure Lauren and Tobin want to clean up and close up.” 

Tobin looks over at the woman she’d nearly toppled, the trace of a smile that had appeared when she pointed out Jackson is long gone. Tobin quickly takes in the woman beside her and damn she’s stunned at her natural beauty, she seems shy and Tobin senses an underlying sadness, but there is no denying she is gorgeous. Tobin feels her cheeks heat just a little as she remembers how long she kept her hands on the mother’s waist, apparently her body is faster at realizing what’s right before it than her brain. Tobin is almost certain she saw the woman shiver when she finally let go. And oddly enough it seemed like all the strength in the mom’s body drained. It was almost enough to want to make her return her hands to their previous location.

“There are like three other kids still here. Please mom.”

The woman looks to Tobin and she swears she sees a tear escape from behind her glasses. It’s hard to say if the woman’s eyes are green or more of a grey, mostly they’re just red and Tobin surmises that that isn’t her first tear of the day. Glancing towards Lauren, Tobin knows she saw it too. She knows because Lauren’s got her mom face on and Tobin hopes she’ll know how to help this woman and her son. Lauren peers at the list of parents before looking up.

“Christen is it? We’d be happy to have Jackson stay until the other kids have left, there’s a really comfortable sitting area in the room next door and a TV. Tobin can walk him over to you when we’re done cleaning and closing. If you’d like.”

Christen, that name Tobin decides totally fits her, looks from Jackson back to Lauren and finally land on Tobin. She gives a quick nod before taking off around the corner. Jackson sighs, in relief or worry, Tobin honestly couldn’t say. She decides the best thing she can do for both of them is to take his mind off whatever is going on. So they resume the debate in full force and clean the room pretending to be their respective favorite super-heroes. She does her best to keep the mood happy and light, but Tobin’s mind keeps wandering next door to the woman with red eyes and a tear streaked face. 

When all the other kids are gone and the room is clean Tobin leaves Jackson with Lauren for a minute to go check on Christen. She sees her curled up on the couch asleep with what appears to be the Weather Channel on in the background. With Christen asleep Tobin takes some time to really look at her, she could tell she was pretty but Christen’s skin, a light golden brown color is untouched and flawless, well minus the red blotches from crying. A few strands of ebony colored hair have fallen out of her braid and curl around her face. And in this moment, unlike earlier, she looks peaceful. Starting to feel a tad like a creep checking out a sleeping woman Tobin leans over to wake her.

“Hey, Christen” she says gently while squeezing her shoulder “Jackson’s ready to leave now.” Tobin is surprised when Christen bolts upright wiping her face and smoothing her hair in one fluid movement. She plasters the biggest smile on her face and it looks so practiced it breaks Tobin’s heart a little bit.

“Thanks, uh thank you for letting him stay a little longer. It’s good for him to be around someone so happy.” Christen blurts out as her eyes widen taking in what she just said. “I mean he seemed to be having so much fun, so yeah just... thanks.”

Tobin nods her head for a few moments giving Christen some clearly much needed time to collect herself. “No problem he was a trooper helping clean up, I left him with Lauren next door, shall we go get him?” Christen stands up and turns off the tv, she seems stronger now and the smile is still there, but Tobin would be damned if it wasn’t all a performance.

Jackson meets them in the hallway. “Hey there Spider-man, have a goodnight?” Christen questions and for the first time all night her voice does not sound sad, in fact it sounds like Tobin's new favorite melody. He nods and grabs her hand. He’s still vibrating with energy like he has been since Tobin met him, but he’s bottled it up trying his best to be easy on his mom if she had to guess. They head down the hallway and right before they start down the stairs Christen looks over her shoulder. Damn, as distressed as she seems she knocks the air from Tobin’s lungs - like getting worked by a wave. There’s a smile playing at Christen’s lips, a real one this time like the small one from earlier, “you were never going to win you know” Tobins lips curve as she raises her own eyebrows in question “the debate, we’ve been at it for two years… it’s always going to be Spider-man for him.” A smile overtakes Tobin’s face before she breaks out laughing. 

After taking a second to get air back in her lungs Tobin responds, “Batman all the way. Goodnight Jackson and goodnight Christen, I’m really glad to have met both of you.” 

Lauren peers out into the hallway catching Tobin staring in the direction the two just disappeared around. She gives her a knowing smile and Tobin flashes her an innocent look. Tobin knows the chances she’ll see them again are slim. That’s honestly one of the hardest parts of working at the hotel, she’s come to learn. But she’s hoping beyond hope that she’ll run into those two again.


	3. Can't get you outta my head.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin's grateful her friends spare her the worst during a chance encounter.

“Seriously Tobin this is your last sample! You’ve had nearly two scoops worth at this point you’re going to make yourself sick - even with the five mile runs you force us on everyday I cannot believe you manage to stay so damn skinny!” 

“Aww Baby Horse it’s your last day, I have to get my money’s worth!”

“What money?! You’ve been living off free samples all summer. But speaking of last days, how was you’re last shift at the Kid’s Club?”

“Last night was awesome! I met this kid, he’s seriously the coolest kid I’ve ever met, except for he thinks Spiderman is cooler than Batman and we all know that’s just ludicrous.” Tobin begins to rehash the debate with Alex when Lauren cuts her off.

“Not one more word about superheroes Tobin. I CANNOT listen to this again. Just because you’ve got the hots for Jackson’s mom does not mean the Batman/Spiderman debate must live on.” 

“Whatever, I do not have the _hots_ for anyone. She just seemed so sad, I know you felt it too. I was worried about her, that’s all.” Actually that definitely was not all. Tobin is not one to worry much about things beyond her control, more a go with the flow type. But all day she hasn’t been able to shake Christen or Jackson from her mind. Not even during her morning run, which is usually very mind clearing helped. In fact for Tobin is was just five miles of replaying the previous night and plotting future conversations should she be lucky enough to see them again. Ok if Tobin was **really** being honest it’s not that she doesn’t have the hots for Christen. She realizes she doesn’t even know one thing about the woman and the fact that she has a son does not bode well, Tobin doubly acknowledges, for her chances with Christen. 

“Wait backup, Tobin has a crush? On a mom? The mom of one of the kids from the club? Why am I just hearing about this?! Is that why you were so quiet on the run this morning Tobs? What’s she like? Is she married? Does she even like women?” Alex blurts loudly enough for the whole store to hear, luckily for Tobin it’s just her crew at the moment.

“Slow your roll Morgan. It is **not** a crush, what are we fifteen? But yeah I guess I was thinking about them this morning. I’ve just never seen anyone look so sad and yet so intriguing at the same time. Plus her kid is awesome, seriously coolest six year old I’ve ever met.” Which three months ago, that coming from Tobin would not have been saying much but after a summer at the kids club, that’s definitely a compliment. “Anyway, I just hope I see them again, I feel like Christen could use a friend right now, someone to talk to you know. I mean we barely met but I just have a feeling.” 

“Oooohh _Christen_ could use a “friend”.”

“Alex Morgan… you may be my best friend but I’m seriously considering ditching your ass right now and letting you spend this cool day bored to tears in an empty Ice Cream shop.. All. By. Yourself.” Not usually so defensive and pretty carefree in general Tobin’s little outburst has all her friends sending her questioning looks. 

“Ok ok, seriously I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this worked up before about someone you just met. She must be pretty special.” Alex concedes softly. That’s the thing about Alex - she can be a firecracker one minute and the next, one of the most caring souls on the planet. “Tell me about her.”

Tobin catches Alex up on all things Jackson and Christen doing her best to leave the physical descriptors out of it as much as possible. Her friends have already picked up on her not so subtle attraction to Christen. And she is really hoping to see them again, and doesn’t want her friends scaring Christen off with random comments so she tries her hardest not to provide them with any ammunition. “So then as they’re walking away she stops and looks back and says…”

“Tobin! Wow that sounds like a great movie!” Lauren says interrupting the end of the story. Tobin turns to ask her where the hell that came from, when she feel someone or something poke her in the back.

“Hey you’re the girl from last night right?! Toby? Or should I say Batman, even though we both know that makes you inferior to Spiderman.” 

“Jackson honey who are you talking to, and do you even know what ‘inferior’ means? Where did you hear that word?” A sweet voice replies, muffled with her back to the group and her head in her purse. For a beat Tobin is so shocked she can’t even speak. _What are the odds?_

“Mom… it’s Toby and Miss Lauren from last night! Remember? And of course I know what it means, I learned it from TV.” Jackson says with a roll of the eyes that would make a teenager proud. Tobin peeks over at Alex’s face and the look is priceless. Though Tobin is unsure if Alex is more surprised that she let someone call her Toby or if she’s pieced together what’s happening right now, but after looking at her Tobin has to refrain from busting out laughing. 

“Yep it’s me, hey there bud. What’s going on? Oh and as much as I want to remind you that Batman is by far the best hero out there, Miss Lauren here is kind of tired of superhero talk.” 

“Oh um sorry Miss Lauren.” Jackson replies, giving Lauren a extremely well practice apologetic face before turning back to Tobin with a raised eyebrow clearly communicating that this debate is not over. Lauren shoots some daggers Tobin’s way before assuring Jackson that it’s perfectly fine and she didn’t mean he couldn’t talk about them anymore. And that she would root for Spiderman if she wasn’t such a Wonder Woman fan herself. Around this time Christen finally lifts her head up and turns around wallet clutched in her right hand. Well at least it is until her eyes meet Tobins.

**_Thunk!_ **

“Shit!” 

“Mom!!!”

“I know, I know I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have cussed.” Christen mumbles as her cheeks turn a light shade of pink. Tobin is next to her in a second and bending down to pick up the dropped wallet. 

“Ow. Damnit. I’m so sorry Christen, I was just trying to help - here I got it. Are you ok? We really have to stop running into each other like this.” Tobin says trying to play off the moment smoothly, as she hands Christen her wallet and rubs her head. 

“Toby!” Comes an exaggeratedly upset voice.

“What? What’d I do? It was an accident I said I was sorry.”

“You cussed!” Jackson retorts. This stops Tobin momentarily, she's really unsure if damnit should even count as a curse word.

“Jackson, remember what I said about adults being able to make their own decisions? You aren’t supposed to correct anyone but me and” Christen finishes softly “...well me.” The sudden quieting has Tobin looking up to see that Christen’s eyes are watery. 

“Seriously Christen are ok? I’m so sorry. Do you need to sit down? And Jackson I’m sorry I cussed, you’re totally right dude, that was lame of me, let me buy you an ice cream.”

“I don’t even like ice cream..” Jackson mumbles. Tobin can’t help but wonder what six year old doesn’t like ice cream and if that’s the case, why are they at Cold Stone, not that Tobin is complaining by any means. She looks back over at Christen who seems to be in her own little world, unshed tears still pooled in her eyes. “Mom likes ice cream, it’s a tradition or something, she really wanted to come. I just like the candy but they don’t even sell just candy here unless you get it in the ice cream which is so annoying.” Looking at Jackson, who is now actually upset instead of pretending like earlier, and then back to Christen who still seems lost in her head, Tobin tries to decide who to turn her attention to first. 

“Hey dude, don’t tell _Toby_ here but Spiderman is way better than Batman.” Alex mock whispers. “And even better than both of them is me! Know why? Because I happen to work here so how about we fill one of these cups up with a scoop of invisible ice cream and all the candy you could want? That is if it’s ok with your mom.” Alex cuts in. And in that moment Tobin is so incredibly thankful for her friends. Seriously whatever crap they give each other in private, the fact that Alex just did that for Jackson and Lauren is already grabbing his hand to help him pick out his candy really reinforces that they are the best friends Tobin could have. She then realizes that three pairs of eyes are now trained on Christen waiting for answer. 

“Christen, you there?” she asks quietly. After rapidly blinking back the tears and shaking her head a bit Christen looks up at Tobin. “Is it ok if my friend Alex fills a cup with candy for Jackson?”

“Oh um.. Yeah sure that’s fine, I know he doesn’t like ice cream, and I probably seem like the worst mom for bringing her kid who doesn’t even like ice cream to an ice cream shop. It’s just I’ve always come here ever since I was like his age and I just couldn’t come to Vail and ride into the village and not get Cold Stone. I mean of course I know you can get Cold Stone anywhere it’s not even that special but...”

“Christen, stop it’s ok.” Tobin interrupts because in that whole time it possible she didn’t take a single breath and though it was pretty cute to see her ramble Tobin is a little concerned she might pass out, especially since it seems something is still bothering her. While she appears more composed than last night, there is still an overwhelming sense of sadness radiating from her. “First off Cold Stone is the best - and this happens to be my favorite one. So even though they are everywhere I think there **is** something special about this one.” Her eyes spark as she jerks her head to face Tobin fully, like she just revealed some huge secret. “And even if Jackson doesn’t like ice cream, if you do then you should come, it’s that simple. Besides it’s a lucky day because my friend Alex works here and since it’s her last day she’s breaking the rules and giving him a cup of candy so everyone can be happy.” 

“Happy..” Christen whispers as she performs the same single motion face and hair smoothing gesture that she did last night. Like she’s putting her shield back into place. Tobin really wants to know what Christen is hiding behind that shield, but it’s definitely not the right time to ask. So if she needs to put on a happy face right now to deal with whatever shit is going on in her life Tobin is not about to make that more difficult for her. She stands with her for a second while Christen gathers herself fully. Just as she is about to turn back to the group at the counter Tobin notices a wavy strand of hair has fallen in her face, she reaches out and tucks the strand behind Christen’s ear freezing momentarily when she hears Christen’s breath hitch. This time when her big eyes, more green than grey at the moment, fly to Tobin’s, they’re full of wonder. The moment passes as Tobin drops her hand to Christen’s, giving it a small tug in the direction of the friends, who are happily setting Jackson up for the sugar high of his life, before letting Christen go. 

“Christen this is Alex, also known as Morgan, also known as Baby Horse” Tobin states as an introduction “and you’ve met Lauren.” 

“Um hi, _Alex?_ it’s nice to meet you and it’s wonderful to see you again Lauren.” Christen responds barely making eye contact with either before busying herself with Jackson and his cup of candy. She seems so uncomfortable around new people. Making Tobin wonder if it’s because they witnessed her small breakdown just now or if she’s simply always that shy. 

“Hey Christen it’s so great to meet you, and while I do respond to all those names, believe it or not, just Alex is good. Tobin here was just saying…” Alex begins before Tobin shoots her her best _keep talking and I will kill you_ glare. “That she met a bunch of cool people yesterday, so um I’m glad I got to meet you. Anyway what are you two up to the rest of today?” Alex quickly covers finishing with a sheepish look towards Tobin. 


	4. I won't let you fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little rock skipping, a little panic attack, and Christen's a little confused.

“We’re going to the rock beach!” Jackson lights up. “We rented bikes and even mom got one this year so we’re both fast and will have even more time to skip rocks.” Christen looks at her son gratefully. She can always count on him to take the pressure off of her needing to function like a normal human being in conversation. 

It’s not that she’s completely hopeless, at least she would like to consider herself capable enough at making the normal and predictable amount of small talk at stores and the like. That said Christen concedes, she has grown so used to living in Jackson’s and her little bubble. But lately things have been anything but routine. The little meltdowns sure aren’t helping with that Christen frowns. She fears now that Tobin probably thinks she’s the most pathetic person ever, though if that is the case then Christen realizes she shouldn’t complain because Tobin and her friends have been nothing but kind to her and Jackson. 

“The rock beach huh? You know I’ve lived in Vail for three months and no one has told me about a rock beach. Which is pretty unfortunate considering I’m the world champion of rock skipping.” Tobin responds her expressive face mirroring Jackson’s excitement.

“You are?!” That gets a smile out of Christen, bless his little six year old heart she thinks.

“Well maybe I’m not the world champion but I can beat Alex and that’s pretty much the same thing.” Tobin replies eyes darting to her now frustrated looking friend behind the counter. 

“One time Tobin. One time you beat me and you go off bragging that you’re the damn world champion.” Alex responds with her ocean blue eyes piercing into Tobin. “Wait! Jackson I know, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have used that word - here hand me your cup and I’ll give you a few more gummy bears.” Jackson fist pumps, so happy and content as he hands over his cup. Seriously the kid is going to crash so hard in a few hours Christen just hopes they are back at the hotel before that happens, because from experience it is NOT going to be pretty. 

“So Jackson, my man, where is this rock beach you talk about? Do you think it would be ok if I joined you and your mom? I need to practice so I can keep crushing Alex when we get back home.” Tobin asks completely ignoring Alex and her little outburst. 

“Yeah! You should totally come it’s um by the creek and after the park. Wait no this way it would be before the park I think. Um you go that way and then curve and then.” Jackson begins pointing in the completely wrong direction before turning towards Christen with panicked eyes. 

“It’s not really a beach, well I bet you figured that out, it’s just a little rock area along Gore Creek just east of Douglas Park. Do you know where that is? But you really don’t have to come, we didn’t mean to interrupt your time with your friends.” Christen rambles, cringing internally. As sick as she is of feeling so awkward around Tobin, she is pretty surprised to find herself hoping Tobin joins them.

This trip was sort of a spur of the moment decision. An attempt to feel some sort of connection, a sense of closure, before Jackson and she began their next journey and since they had some time before their new setup would be ready, this trip just seemed to make sense. But in a lot of ways it’s been harder than she’d thought it’d be, with memories flooding in at every turn. It would be nice, she admits, _has been nice_ , to have a bit of a distraction. 

“Yeah I know exactly where that is! Never noticed a rock beach but I bet I can find it. Alex is stuck here for another few hours but Lauren and I were just looking for something to do. Right Lauren?” Tobin began before looking hopefully at Lauren. Based off the looks Tobin’s friends are exchanging Christen has a feeling Tobin is full of shit and has to stifle a giggle. After a few seconds the two more or maybe less confirm what Tobin was trying to hint at. 

“Do you and Miss Lauren have bikes? I don’t want to brag but I can go pretty fast on my bike so if you’re walking…” Jackson begins but stops abruptly when Tobin walks over to the skateboards against the wall. “No way! That’s totally cool! Look mom they have skateboards! My mom bought me a skateboard for Christmas - wait sorry “Santa Claus” gave me a skateboard for Christmas.” Jackson says putting air quotes around Santa Claus causing all three other women in the store to burst out laughing. Pretty proud of himself for the crowd’s response Jackson continues “but she can’t even ride it. She was trying to teach me and she fell off and almost broke her arm! Could you teach me?! Please!!” 

Recovering from her outburst Tobin looks towards Christen, her eyes betraying her mischievous thoughts. “Sure bud I could teach you if it’s ok with your mom. I bet I could teach your mom too.” 

“Oh no, no that’s perfectly ok. I definitely don’t need to learn how to skateboard. Seriously he’s not lying I almost broke my wrist, I was in a brace for a week, it was humiliating.” Christen quickly responds her hands coming up to cover her face. 

“We’ll see.” Is all Tobin says. It’s clear she still intends to teach them both but Christen has no intention of getting on a skateboard and making a fool of herself in front of miss calm, cool, and collected. After Jackson finishes his diabetes in a cup and Christen gets her usual espresso ice cream with Oreos and chocolate chips - to Tobin’s apparent disgust, and Alex’s cheer and high five, the four take off towards the trail back to West Vail. 

They reach the little section of the creek that has small rocks along the bank and Tobin and Jackson immediately start racing to see who can collect the most skipping rocks. Lauren and Christen exchange a look before moving the bike and skateboard, abandoned on the trail, out of the way. Making her way onto the “beach” Christen starts slowly and methodically looking for extra rocks for Jackson. She startles when Lauren’s phone rings a little while later, recovering in time to accept the rocks Lauren hands her before walking down the bank to answer the phone. Not much later Christen hears the first clunk alerting her that rock skipping time has officially commenced. After a few tries she can tell Jackson is getting frustrated. He’s usually pretty good at skipping rocks but he seems to be struggling today, probably trying to show off for Tobin. 

“Dude you almost had that last one! Can I have a turn?” Christen hears Tobin ask in her slow rhythmic way of speaking. Mesmerized as Tobin begins skipping rocks, watching as her bicep flexes when her arm loads and then the releases. The same motion repeated over and over. Christen thinks that she would probably kill for arms as toned as Tobins. The second that thought crosses her brain Christen freezes, _Who am I?_ she wonders. _And since when do I notice people’s biceps and contemplate homicide over them?_

“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven… seven! Tobin that was so cool how do you do that?” Shaking her head Christen is again grateful for Jackson’s interruption. She looks up and sees Tobin staring back at her, a small smirk playing at her lips and questions in her eyes. Christen immediately freaks, well internally she thinks. Was she just caught staring? She hangs her head wondering how much more awkward could she possibly be and is grateful when Tobin, seemingly aware of her distress unleashes a full smile before turning back towards Jackson. 

“Want to know the secret to skipping rocks?” Tobin asks as the six year old’s head frantically bounces up and down so fast Christen wonders if it’s possible to give yourself whiplash while nodding. “First you have to find the prettiest rock in the pile and put it in your pocket. See here’s mine. Then you have to picture yourself as Batman.”

“Seriously Tobin! I’m not doing that! But I’ll picture myself as Spiderman instead.” Jackson responds satisfied with himself for his solution. Christen hasn’t looked at her since being caught, but dares a glance at Tobin and can see that’s she’s barely containing her laughter at Jackson’s response. After collecting herself Tobin and Jackson select the prettiest one for his pocket before she begins helping him with the motion of his arm and angle of his release. “Hey Tobin, do you know if you can skip rocks on the ocean? I’m going to live by the ocean soon and I hope I can.”

“Really bud, that’s so cool. I live right on the beach, if you find a spot where the water is pretty quiet without too many waves you can skip all the rocks you want. That’s where I got my world champion title after all.” Tobin responds with a wink. Her questioning eyes meet Christen’s who simply nods and shrugs her shoulders. It’s true they are moving to the beach but Christen is not about to get into the why with someone she just met. 

“Eight! Mom did you see that?! I got eight. Mom, mom do you remember when Grandpa got like ten? Do you remember mom? I almost got as many as him!” 

“Yeah love, I remember.” Christen manages to force out over the lump that’s taken up residence in her throat and it’s like time stops. Everything goes cold and she can feel her legs begin to give out and her heart begin to pound. She tries to take some calming breaths, counting backwards from ten while frantically looking for a rock to sit on. She’s on the edge of completely losing it when she feels a solid warm presence behind her. 

“Breath Chris, I got you. That’s it, keep breathing.” Tobin whispers quietly into her ear. Christen doesn’t know how Tobin got there so quickly, didn’t even realize she’d moved away from Jackson. Christen closes her eyes and wills away the memories, stealing just a second to lean back, just a tad, letting Tobin’s strength ground her. As the battle against a few tears is lost she can feel a strong hand grip her upper arm and finally she opens her eyes. Christen’s stomach flips and her heartbeat returns to her ears, but she realizes it’s a completely different feeling than a second ago. Warm whiskey colored eyes scan her face, again searching for answers she’s not prepared to give. As Tobin’s hand strokes it’s way down Christen’s arm she feels goosebumps map the trail to down to her hand. After a small squeeze Tobin lets go and Christen immediately mourns the loss. Struggling to get a read on her emotions Christen takes a deep breath wondering what just happened? One minute a rush of memories has her spiraling towards a panic attack the next… well she doesn’t even know. Christen considers that she usually has a pretty big personal bubble and doesn’t like being touched. And she never seems to initiate the contact. Maybe, she muses sadly, it’s just been too long since someone has been there to support her. She finally manages a smile and shrugs off Tobin’s unspoken questions. 

“Hey Jackson how many skips can your mom do? I bet she’s pretty good at skipping rocks since her son’s such a _rock_ star.” Breaking the spell Tobin gives Christen one last look, apparently satisfied that she’s not about to crumble, and starts back towards Jackson, who Christen is pleased to see seems blissfully unaware of her weak moment. 

“Mom doesn’t skip rocks, she only plays with balls.” And just like that every last drop of blood in Christen’s body find it’s way to her cheeks as Tobin turns to face her with her customary smile back in place and one eyebrow arched. 

“Is that so?” Tobin replies laughter in her eyes. 

“Yeah, she’ll play soccer, tennis, volleyball, basketball, even football, but if the sport doesn’t involve a ball then she won’t play.” Still mortified Christen watches as Tobin saunters back towards her clearly holding back laughter. Christen is confused when Tobin stops in front of her, not saying a word. Just when she is about to break the awkward silence Tobin leans in and asks in a hum. 

“What do you say Christen, will you skip a few rocks with Jackson and me? I’ll even share my lucky rock.” A smooth warm object drops into Christen’s pocket. The fingers, she was just a moment ago missing, skim her hip and her body continues it’s goosebump reenactment of Hansel and Gretel causing Christen to gasp. 

“Yeah Christen, I’ll skip rocks too, I’m terrible so you won’t even have to worry about being the worst.” Lauren pipes in from beside her. She hadn’t even noticed her return. Giving in with an exaggerated sigh Christen makes her way to the edge of the creek with Lauren and Tobin. It’s only a few minutes before the mood shifts to joyful and relaxed. All four of them talking and joking around with each other and Christen feels lighter than she has in months. After many failed attempts, with Jackson trying desperately to convince her that she was successfully skipping the rock ‘one time’ Christen calls it quits and makes her way to a large rock in the center of the creek. With her shoes off, feet dangling skimming the surface of the water, and the breeze sweeping over her body she throws her head back and takes in the moment. _This_ is why she brought them back here, and damn does it feel good. “So what else do you two have planned for the week?” Lauren asks Jackson, breaking Christen out of her spell as she turns her attention back towards the bank. 

“We’re going rafting tomorrow, have you ever been?” Jackson pipes up looking between Tobin and Lauren.

“Yeah man I love rafting. Is this going to be your first time?” Tobin asks.

“Nope, I went last year, it’s super fun and this year I even get to help paddle! We’re going with the buffaloes group or something like that because they have the best food. Right mom?” 

“Yeah sweetheart, Buffalo Joe’s. Good memory bud.” She says from her perch, noticing Tobin and Lauren exchange a look she can’t quite read before Lauren once again pulls out her phone and walks down the bank.


	5. Because you know exactly what to do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part one of their rafting experience - not my favorite but the next one is!

Christen is fairly certain she’s not going to be able to pry her hands off the steering wheel when they get there. The thing about being the fourth oldest in the family she realizes a little too late is that until now she has never had to make this drive. Nope she’s peacefully slept in the back like Jackson is now, completely unaware that one lapse in concentration or errant correction could have them plummeting down the mountain to their death. And of course to add insult to injury it’s a drizzly overcast morning. So no it never even crossed her mind that by the time they get to Buena Vista her shoulders will be stuck by her ears, her fingers will have to be pried off the wheel and she may need to resuscitated.

It absolutely doesn’t help that Christen wasn’t able to get even half decent sleep last night, if she had the drive might feel more doable. It’s not really a surprise though, she hasn’t slept well in months. Her doctor did prescribe some sleeping pills, she even filled the prescriptions, but they sit unopened in her travel bag. She simply can’t quit worrying about the “what ifs”, long enough to take one.  
_What if Jackson gets sick at night and needs help? What if she needs to get him to a hospital?_  
She **knows** the chances of this are small but being the only one there, she hasn’t been able to relax long enough to give in and take the sleeping pills. A side effect of single parenting, is taking on a world of what ifs on your own. The only thing keeping Christen from pulling over or going back is that it’s the butt crack of dawn and there aren’t many other cars on the road at this hour. 

Christen breathes a sigh of relief as the road straightens and flattens out. One breath is all it takes though for her next worry to take root. Being just the two of them, she knows they’re going to be added to another group to fill up the raft. Just thinking about spending the day with strangers has her heart rate spiking again. _Oh for goodness sake, grow up_ she thinks. _If anything my biggest fear should be staying awake on the raft, not a little small talk about the damn weather._

“Mom? Are we there?” A groggy voice graciously pulls her out of her spiraling thoughts. 

“We’re really close sweetheart. Are you excited?” Christen glances at Jackson through the rearview mirror and watches as his whole face transforms from sleepy to ecstatic, without a worry in the world. She takes a moment to center her thoughts and tries to harness her inner six year old as she pulls into Buffalo Joe’s lot. “We’re here! Slide those feet into your boat shoes and let's go check in!”

“Well hey there! Welcome to Buffalo Joes Rafting, what’s the name on the reservation?” Christen stands speechless and unblinking at the woman with platinum blond hair in a stylish pixie cut, standing behind the counter in the small log building they just entered. She’s pretty sure no one should be this perky this early in the morning. She used to be a morning person, when she slept at all, but she was more of a calm and peaceful morning person. “Ma’am, my name’s Megan, can I get your name so I can mark you guys as here and get you some waivers to fill out?” 

“Oh, um sorry” Christen mutters, feeling her cheeks heat at her continued social ineptitude “the reservation is under Christen.” 

“Oh here you are, Christen party of five for Browns Canyon. Here are the waivers, how many under the age of 18?”

“Just one, but I think there’s been a mistake, we’re only a party of two. Just me and my son.” She says pointing at Jackson who she realizes is now in the gift shop wearing a neon orange hat, sunglasses, and a pair of board shorts at least three sizes too big, all proudly flaunting the Buffalo Joes logo. 

“Hmm, I had a party of two but it looks like three more were added yesterday. Let me find the owner and see if she knows what happened.” 

It’s probably just a small misunderstanding, Christen tells herself. Maybe they added another group of three to the raft and someone just wrote it down wrong. But she’s already thinking of how maybe with the mix up there won’t be enough people and they won’t get to go, and she knows Jackson will be so upset. And _God_ she wishes she could just stop worrying. 

Christen is about to head over to Jackson and prepare him for the worst when two hands fall on upon her shoulders. _What the hell?_ She’s so shocked and upset at being touched by a stranger she can’t even turn around. Right as she finally musters up the courage someone hums in her ear, “Relax Chris.” It’s only been three days, but she knows that voice, and immediately melts from popsicle to pudding as the muscular hands start working the knots in her shoulders. After a minute she turns around, suppressing a whimper from the lost contact, and before she knows what she’s doing she completely collapses into Tobin as feels and is grateful for the strong arms that wrap around her.

“What are you doing here?” She whispers, not pulling back -- not exactly sure why she’s not pulling back, or why she’s so comfortable in the arms of someone who’s still practically a stranger -- but nonetheless she can’t bring herself to pull back. 

“Oh funny story really, I just woke up this morning and thought _today is the perfect day for rafting_ so here I am. What a surprise it is to see you here.” Tobin returns and Christen can hear the amusement in her voice.

Smiling against her shoulder, taking one more breath, inhaling a smell so perfectly Tobin, clean and fresh with a hint of sunscreen, Christen finally does pull back and out of her arms. “The fact that you’re at the exact location Jackson told you we’d be at the exact time he told you we’d be here is just pure coincidence, huh?” She asks in mock bewilderment.

“Yep, totally coincidental, and also by coincidence Alex and her boyfriend, Servando, thought today would be a perfect day for rafting too.” 

“And that makes five.” Christen murmurs as the puzzle pieces fall into place.

“Huh?”

“It’s um nothing. There was some confusion when I went to check in, because I was only aware of two members in my party, but it seems someone called yesterday and changed it to five. I was totally freaking out, that there was a terrible mix up and we wouldn’t be able to go.” She says cringing at the stupidity of her freakout.

“Shit, I’m so sorry. Yesterday when you told us you were going rafting at this company Lauren went ahead and called to change the reservation. She works today or she would’ve been here too, I meant to get here earlier so this wouldn’t have happened but, umm, I’m really bad at mornings.” Tobin replies with guilt written all over her face.

“They just let her change my reservation like that? I thought you couldn’t even book a trip with them without 48 hours notice, maybe they’re not as organized as…”

“Not to derail your worry train there, but I have one more totally random coincidence for you. Abby, the owner of the company, is a good friend.” Tobin cuts her mouth exploding into her megawatt smile. 

“Dude ‘good friend’ is all the title I get? Not ‘best human being you’ve ever met’, ‘mentor without whom you’d be a nobody’, or my personal favorite ‘greatest of all time.’ Sheesh, making me rethink this little favor.” Comes a boisterous voice from behind Christen causing her to jump out of her skin. Tobin turns her around wrapping an arm around Christen’s back in the process.

“Abby, so good to see you’re as humble as ever, this here is my new friend Christen. Christen this is Abby, the “GOAT”.” Tobin mock salutes with her free hand. 

“Um hi.” Is all Christen manages as Abby engulfs her in a hug before returning her to her previous position. 

“I’m guessing that the little guy in the gift shop belongs to you?”

“Um yes.” Christen begins, about to apologize for him having made a mess of the place.

“Do you mind if I snap a picture of him decked out head to toe in our gear for some advertising?” Abby asks in her too loud voice. 

“Um no? I’m really sor..”

“Pinoe! Grab the camera and get some shots of our model over there will ya?” Abby hollers and the women behind the counter immediately pulls out an expensive looking camera and begins entertaining Jackson with an impromptu photoshoot. 

Completely overwhelmed with everything that’s happening Christen can feel her body start shaking, the panic rising. She’s about to find a place to sit down when Tobin tightens her grip and her thumb begins to move in small reassuring circles on Christen’s side. Christen takes a deep breath and turns her head to look at Tobin. She wonders how someone who barely knows her can read her so damn well. It’s like Tobin knows exactly what to do or say to calm her. No one outside of her family has ever been so attuned to her feelings. Not even, Christen muses with a little amazement, her college boyfriend. Tobin’s small touches, make Christen feel a sense of belonging, one she’s only felt with family. To add to the confusion those same touches also produce a small fluttery feeling she knows she has _never_ felt before. Christen knows something is wrong when Tobin gives her a small smile and furrows her eyebrows. 

“Is it ok that we’re here? Alex, Serv, and me?” She asks with uncertainty etched into her voice and features. Christen takes a moment to respond, slightly surprised at her question. In the short time Christen’s known Tobin, she’s never seemed anything but self-assured. Wanting to give the question justice Christen takes another moment to contemplate. Today was supposed to be about Jackson and her, doing something together, that means a great deal to their family. When she thinks about what rafting means to them, she realizes it means laughter and joy, it means conversation between rapids away from everyday distractions, it means jokes and the making and the replaying of memories. Christen finally meets Tobin’s coffee colored eyes and feels all the worries and everything else around them fall away. 

“Yeah” She manages, barely above a whisper “it’s more than okay.”


	6. Every touch is like the strongest drug.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen’s legs are stretched out, and Tobin’s eyes travel from the peony pink painted toes, up over her beautiful body, to her delicately curved neck finishing at her head which is thrown back with her eyes closed. Tobin is sunk. It’s these moments where Christens seems so at peace that Tobin’s own world finally seems to make sense.

Big doe eyes lock with Tobins and she can barely make out the whisper. But she’s feeling pretty confident that being here is the right thing. The thinks about the sight that met her when she walked into the building. Seeing Christen standing at the counter, her breath caught. She took a second, okay maybe two, to admire the raven hair done in two perfect french braids, the loose long-sleeve blue-grey swim shirt, and the very short white board shorts putting her backside and legs kindly on display. But what really struck Tobin was Christen’s posture, which was stiff as a damn surfboard. She had clearly been startled when Tobin started massaging her shoulders, but having Christen crumble into her when realizing who it was has to be one of the top five feelings of Tobin’s life. Of course Tobin wishes her plan to surprise Christen hadn’t backfired into more stress and yet she’s glad to be there and even more glad that Christen seems happy too.

“Yo Abby - put that hat on my tab will ya? It was obviously made just for Jackson.” Tobin says as she maneuvers Christen towards the section of the counter with the waivers. 

“As if you ever plan on paying your _tab_ Tobin. But I just so happen to agree with you about the hat, which is why I’m giving it to him as compensation for his model work this morning.” 

“Oh no, really you don’t have to do that, he can put it back he really doesn’t need it.” Christen states emphatically.

“Hmm, I think you’re wrong about that, he definitely needs that hat and he’s earned it. People are going to eat those photos up.” Abby retorts in a friendly voice leaving Christen no further room for argument. 

They gear up, opting out of wetsuits since the weather is clearing up and the sun is raising the temperature significantly already, and get in the van that will take them to their drop in point with their helmets and life vests in hand. Jackson and Servando have hit it off immediately as Tobin had suspected they would and are busy bro-ing out in the back, leaving Christen, Alex and Tobin with Abby in the front. Megan is driving the van and between her and Abby there isn’t much space for anyone else to talk. Tobin glances at Christen next to her and watches her take in the rowdy conversation and it’s such a relief to see amusement not sadness in her eyes. As Abby starts pointing out some tougher rafting routes with class four and five rapids though Christen noticeably tenses up.

“Hey no worries, we’re not doing anything that big, just a family friendly run.” Tobin whispers in her ear, bumping her shoulder, as Abby and Megan start talking (more) quietly about some logistical stuff. 

“Oh, I know, I’m not nervous, it’s just… memories I guess.”

“Memories? Have you rafted the Numbers before?” Tobin questions in reference to a section on the Arkansas that is a series of pretty difficult class four rapids.Tobin definitely didn’t see that coming.

“Mhmm, Pine Creek too.” She mumbles back. Seriously?! That’s the toughest section of the river. It took Tobin a whole summer of rafting weekly with Abby to get the guts up to do that.

“Did you fall out or something? Is that what you mean by memories? That would awful, I’m impressed you’re willing to raft at all after that.” Tobin replies softly. 

“Oh no no, no one fell out, that trip..” She starts with a small smile, leaning into Tobin's shoulder a little. “Actually I think all our “swimmers” have happened on Browns Canyon trips.” Her smile grows as her eyes sort of glaze over and while she still seems stuck in memories she no longer seems tense so Tobin decides to leave it at that for now. 

“Paddle high five!” Jackson shouts as they finish the last big rapid of the morning. All six of them raise their paddles in the air bringing them together. Tobin can see the mischief in Servs eyes as he asks Jackson for a special boys only high five. As their paddles make contact she watches Serv slip intentionally backwards and into the water. And immediately senses Christen who is just in front of her begin to panic. 

“Shh” Tobin leans forward so she can talk quietly in her ear. “This is the part of the river that’s best for swimming, remember? Servando knows that, he worked as a guide last summer, and if I had to guess...” 

“Brah why’d you do me like that? Here give me a hand back in.” Serv says reaching his hand towards Jackson. Still leaning forward, Tobin’s shoulders start shaking in a quiet laugh as she realize what’s about to happen. Christen catches on too and turns her head around to look back at Tobin, her round eyes sparkling and smile taking over her face. 

“He wouldn’t…” She gets out just as Jackson goes toppling into the water next to Serv. Christen starts laughing and Tobin swears that it’s the most glorious sound she’s ever heard. “I guess he would.” She finishes and Tobin realizes Alex, who is in tears laughing so hard, has pulled out her phone and filmed the whole thing. As Abby starts guiding the raft toward the take out lunch area Tobin takes her legs out of the foot holds and drapes one over the side of the raft. A few moments pass before she feels light designs being drawn over the scar on her shin. Fairly certain Christen doesn’t even realize she’s doing it, Tobin keeps her mouth shut but can’t wipe the smile off her face.

“What’s got you grinning like that?” Christen asks looking over her left shoulder as her right index finger continues its movement. Tobin shakes her head and shrugs her shoulders indicating it’s nothing. A tinge of disappointment settles in Tobins chest when Christen stops what she was unconsciously doing to secure her paddle in the raft before gracefully slipping off the edge joining Jackson and Serv in the freezing cold water. 

“Wipe that goofy grin off your face and get in there.” Abby snaps out while she simultaneously nudges Alex off the other side of the raft. Tobin’s floating on her back in the direction of the other three when she’s suddenly pushed under.  
“You’re dead Baby Horse!” She hollers chasing after Alex who is cackling loudly while making her way towards Servando in a hurry, as if he’s going to protect her. As Tobin suspected he not only doesn’t protect Alex but instead dunks her the moment she’s within arms reach. They all spend a few minutes goofing off and and splashing each other, Christen and Jackson proving to be a dream team drenching the other three of us swiftly. Eventually everyone makes their way to Abby on the bank who has unloaded the coolers and started up the grills for some fajitas. 

“Can you even taste your food when you inhale it like that?” Christen asks Tobin as she makes her way over to sit next to her. 

“Can you even eat enough when you pick at your food like a bird?” Tobin retorts. It’s amazing, being on the water plus physical activity will make anyone ravenous and yet Tobin watches Christen, noticing she barely even touches her food. 

Christen freezes up for a second before relaxing and rolling her eyes, “at least I didn’t eat more than the other five people here combined, how are you not huge?”. She questions, poking Tobin in the stomach. God Tobin loves that Christen seems relaxed enough now with the group to joke around. It’s like little cracks are forming in the armor she fortifies herself with everyday. Unfortunately the tired look in her eyes is as present as ever. 

“Abby, I’ll clean why don’t you take everyone to the jumping rock for awhile? Show them all your tricks?” Tobin announces as she stands up and starts to pack up. 

“I’ll help.” Christen states, as Tobin begins to argue she continues. “Please? It’s the least I can do, you’ve all been so kind.” The two of them stay while the others start the small hike to a cliff that you can jump off of. Tobin’s about to take Christen to the rest of the group, when they finishing cleaning, but when she looks over Christen is sitting on the ground seemingly comfortable. 

“Don’t want to go jump off the cliff?” 

“No, if it’s ok I think I’ll just sit here and enjoy the sun for a little while. You can go if you want.” She responds as she deftly takes out her braids and shakes her curly hair back. 

“And if I don’t want?”

She peeks up at Tobin, the edges of her mouth curling up into a smile and bottom lip caught between her teeth, before patting the space beside her. Tobin takes the invitation and sits down next to her, mimicking the way she’s sitting, leaning back on her hands, her right hand grazing Christen’s left. 

They sit in silence for awhile and Tobin can’t help but to keep glancing over. Christen’s legs are stretched out, and Tobin’s eyes travel from the peony pink painted toes, up over her beautiful body, to her delicately curved neck finishing at her head which is thrown back with her eyes closed. Tobin is sunk. It’s these moments where Christens seems so at peace that Tobin’s own world finally seems to make sense. Tobin makes it her mission to carve out as many peaceful moments for Christen as possible, for as long as they’re near each other. They’ve only known each other for a little over 72 hours, so it’s hard believe how much Christen’s happiness already means to Tobin, but she’s damned sure she’s destined for heartache when this week ends. After a few more minutes Tobin finally asks the question that’s been on her mind since the van ride.

“What memories were you thinking of in the van?” She inquires softly, not wanting to disrupt the moment. A few seconds go by and Tobin’s wondering if Christen even heard her. 

“So many.” She whispers, not moving. “My family used to raft every summer, sometimes multiple times a summer. We’ve done Browns Canyon probably twenty times, the Numbers a few times, and Pine Creek once.” She states and Tobin tracks a tear that’s slipped out of her closed eye and is making its way down her cheek. Sitting up Tobin moves so that she’s sitting cross legged right by Christen’s shoulder. She can’t help herself as she reaches out and wipes the tear with her thumb. Christen doesn’t move but her head leans just slightly into Tobin’s palm. Taking a slight chance Tobin gently runs her hand through Christen’s hair.

“Want to tell me your favorite?” Not exactly sure what’s making her so sad, Tobin want to test the waters and see if Christen’s ready to open up, but doesn’t want to push her. 

A half smile breaks out on Christen’s face, “Well my sister did write her college essay about the time she and my dad both fell out right after Big Drop.” She leans back on her elbows, her head resting lightly on Tobin’s thigh with her eyes still closed, as she begins to tell the story of her sister falling out and floating far down the river at the same time her dad fell out right next to the raft. “So while everyone else is busy pulling him back into the raft I’m still holding my oar out to her, even though she’s a good twenty feet away.” Christen continues, giving in and letting her head to drop in Tobin's lap as Tobin keeps softly stroking her hair. “And when she realizes they’re getting dad into the raft she starts screaming ‘Don’t save him! Save me!’.” Tobin waits a few moments for her to continue before leaning over a bit and realizes she’s fallen asleep. Tobin stays put for a while, letting Christen rest. After a few minutes she turns in her sleep onto her side and the saddest, softest voice murmurs a small “miss you.” 

Tobin wakes Christen up as she hears the rest of the gang heading back towards the lunch spot. Though she tries to do so gently Christen bolts up, cheeks flush with embarrassment, and she apologizes profusely for falling asleep no matter how Tobin tries to assure her it was fine and that she doesn’t mind. The rest of the trip is mostly a float trip, all the big rapids being in the first half of the day. Between the six of them though, especially with an extremely talkative Jackson, there is an endless supply of conversation. Abby even has Jackson sit back with her and guide the group for part of the time. And to say that little man is excited about bossing the five adults around would be the understatement of the century. 

Every once and awhile Tobin notices Christen going quiet for long stretches of time. Even though she seems to be avoiding eye contact, pink painting her cheeks whenever they do lock eyes, Tobin is relieved when Christen relaxes and rejoins the conversation whenever she reaches out and lightly rubs her shoulder or arm. The van ride back was much more subdued than the ride out. A full day in the sun on the water seemed to wear everyone out… Jackson fell asleep in Christens lap and Alex on Servando’s shoulder. Even Abby and Megan were silent-ish. Just as Tobin leans her head against the window a squeeze on her arm gets her attention. She turns around and meets Christen’s eyes. “Thanks for earlier, for listening.” She whispered, a deep blush in her cheeks now, “and for letting me sleep.” 

“Anytime Chris.”

Back at the cars after changing into some dry clothes and Tobin notices Christen is once again radiating stress. “You okay?” she asks, continuing when Christen stiffly nods her head in response. “Look I know you’re not ok, what’s wrong? Is it something I can help with?”

“Ugh, it’s just I really hate driving in the mountains, I’ve never really had to do it before and I spent the whole way here worried about driving off the edge and dying.” She concedes dropping her head in embarrassment. 

“Want me to drive your car back? Alex drove here because I was still half asleep. But I’m fully awake now and kind of a pro at driving these mountains at this point.” Tobin chuckles, realizing just how hopeful she feels at spending another hour and half with Christen and Jackson. She stares into Christen’s smoky green eyes while Christen stares right back into hers, “Promise, I’ve never been in an accident and only have one parking ticket to my name,” she continues sensing the internal battle Christen is having with herself. 

“Yes, please.” She quietly responds after a few moments. No more than ten minutes into the drive Tobin realizes both Christen and Jackson are fast asleep. Which she supposes is better than the white knuckled grip Christen had on the door handle moments earlier. While she’d hoped to spend the time getting to know Christen better, she is definitely glad she’s getting more rest. 

“Hey Jackson, will you do me a huge favor by taking this stuff into your room?” Tobin whispers to the now awake boy in the back and hands him one of Christen’s bags of extra everything. When he heads off she goes around to the passenger side and open the door. “Wake up Christen, we’re back at the hotel.” As Christen and Tobin gather the rest of her belongings up Tobin finds herself staring and well Christen does too.

“What? What’s wrong? It is my hair? Did I drool on myself, God, I’m so sorry for falling asleep _again_.”

“No, oh no, it’s nothing like that. I was just debating if I should just ask you what you’re doing tomorrow and if you’d like some company or if I should pull some more crazy stalker shit and just show up like today.” 

“Oh, umm” Christen says on a small laugh begins before taking a really deep breath. 

“It’s totally ok if you don’t want me tagging along, if you want sometime just you and Jackson I understand, I mean I know we basically just met.” Tobin cuts in, a bit afraid she’s overstepped. It seems like an eternity before Christen speaks again.

“Actually I’d really like it if you came, it’s just… well I’m guaranteed to be a mess tomorrow, like a walking, talking, crying disaster.” She states dropping her eyes and shuffling her feet a little. Definitely confused now Tobin raises her eyebrows seeing if Christen is going to elaborate on what she means, but she just looks up and gives a tiny shrug. “But uh, if you still want to come, after that sensational advertisement, we’re going to hike Missouri Lakes, leaving here at about seven in the morning.” 

Realize that’s all she’s going to get out of her, Tobin holds Christen’s eyes in her own and gives what she hopes is a reassuring smile. “Alright, I’ll see you here at seven.”

Christen nods and walks into her room putting down her bags, before turning back around. “Tobin,” fidgeting with her hands she whispers, “Maybe just you this time?” 

Tobin opens her arms and is pleased when Christen again folds her body into them. Tobin gets the feeling that physical contact is just as foreign to Christen, as it is natural to her, she gives her a quick squeeze and lays her lips quickly on the top of Christen’s head before responding, “Just me then.”


	7. I can't help it that I can't take my eyes off of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin begins to piece together the puzzle behind Christen's despair.

“Jackson, come on bud! Get moving! Tobin’s going to be here any minute, you don’t want her to see you in your boxers do you?!” Tobin smiles and shakes her head overhearing her name used as a threat, before knocking on the door.

“Tobin hi, sorry we’re running… what in the world are you wearing?!” Christen’s sputters, jaw dropping as she gets a look at Tobin. 

“Sorry all my day clothes were dirty.” Tobin winks. “Jackson my man! Go put this on.” She says throwing him his suit quickly so Christen can’t get a good look at it. 

“I am NOT hiking with you in that thing. And what did you just give Jackson?” Christen exclaims, arms crossed defiantly over her chest. “And what is that around your waist, are those tissues?” She continues, pointing at the belt holding travel packs of kleenex. “You cannot be serious right now.” She finishes, but her resolve is crumbling as a she struggles to hold back a smile. Christen herself looks straight out of an REI magazine, plaid hiking shirt, zip off shorts, and boots. She’s even wearing one of those sun hats that you can secure around your neck. And the craziest thing, Tobin thinks, is that she pulls it off. 

“Ready mom!” Jackson states happily coming out of his room in the Spiderman costume Tobin had brought him. “My shoes are on, I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and have my camelback.” He says proudly. Christen looks from him back to Tobin, raising an eyebrow. 

“So what you get to be Batman and he gets to be Spiderman and I get to be...?” She challenges. 

“Well, the way I see it, you are already the greatest superhero of all, a mom - and a single mom at that.” Tobin retorts lightly. But she hopes her face conveys how sincere she is. A flash of appreciation shows in Christen’s eyes before her cheeks turn rosy and she drops her eyes. “But in case you’re feeling left out, I did bring you Lauren’s Wonder Woman outfit - I have to warn you though, it’s not quite as full coverage as Jacksons and mine.” 

Christen’s eyes widen and she shakes her head. “Nope, nope I’m good with what I’m wearing. Are you seriously wearing that?” She laughs. 

“Would I joke about something like this?” 

Christen’s only response to that is muttered under her breath, something about _crazy_ and _good laugh on a day like today_. Christen begins handing Tobin bags before loading her own arms. Still a little shocked at how many bags Christen seems to have for every occasion - Tobin happily accepts. You would think they were going on a ten day camping trip with the amount of stuff they’re bringing in the car, but surprisingly Christen’s hiking pack is just a small camelback like Jacksons. After a brief debate, with Christen trying to insist she should drive since she invited Tobin and Tobin reminding her that not only did she invite herself, but the drive is similar to yesterday’s, they pile in Tobin’s jeep and head out.

About twenty minutes into the hike, Tobin realizes this isn’t a quick little walk in the park and begins thinking that maybe she should have researched it beyond where the trailhead was located. But mostly she begins to question her decision to wear the batman costume. But every time Christen looks at her - shaking her head and laughing - Tobin decides _that_ is completely worth the heat and wedgies. While the hike is fairly difficult it is also AMAZING. They cross over rushing waterfalls, sometimes on bridges and sometimes on logs and branches where the water has unexpectedly covered over the original path. At one point they walk up right alongside a waterfall, and though it’s a little treacherous the rush is unmatched. Throughout the whole time Tobin appreciates how Christen allows Jackson to test his own abilities and limits, simply reminding him to be careful and then subtly positioning herself to help him if needed. Tobin can tell it causes her stress to allow him to take a few risks but she seems determined not to let her own anxiety affect him. 

As they reach a field of wildflowers Christen declares they’re about halfway before pulling over to a rock and getting out some snacks. Jackson goes off playing with another hiking group’s dog leaving Christen and Tobin on the rock eating some trail mix. “Aren’t the poppies here amazing. Can you believe how big they are?” Christen says pointing to the red flowers with black centers dominating the space. She goes silent for a few moments and Tobin stays quiet leaving her to her thoughts. “My mom planted her entire garden based of this field. Every year we would hike this trail and she would take pictures of all the plants and their natural groupings, then she'd go home and plan out different places in her garden to recreate it.” 

Tobin watches as Christen talks animatedly about the garden and all her favorite flowers and how she’s tried to garden herself but everything always dies. The whole time she rambles her arms and hands gesture wildly and Tobin thinks it’s damn cute. She watches her face, her expressive eyes, and sees them light up with joy as she recalls different stories, but Tobin also sees that behind the joy they’re full of pain. “Every year she would try to grow the poppies for me, but they never survived -- until last summer. Last summer they were beautiful. And once a week she would bring me a small bouquet for my home.” 

Tobin watches joy lose the battle in her eyes and after a watery glance Tobin’s way she turns her head back towards the fields. Tobin’s feels she’s starting to piece together part of the story behind Christen’s sorrow. And as much as she wants to confirm her hypothesis, she doesn’t want to say the wrong thing or make it worse. She can’t imagine losing her mom at this age. Though they don’t live close together Tobin’s mom is her rock and if she had a kid… well she just can’t even think about how difficult that must be. Sitting quietly to give Christen sometime, Tobin gently rubs small circles on her knee hoping to provide a small comfort and is rewarded when she feels Christen’s hand cover hers and give it a small squeeze. They sit like that for a while, and Tobin listens to the wind and Jackson’s laughter from somewhere behind them. “There’s still so much beauty in the world.” Christen shakily whispers. 

“Yeah” Tobin responds, her eyes sweeping over Christen, “yeah there is.”

The second half of the hike is much like the first except now there’s occasionally patches of snow to transverse, Tobin can’t believe in the three months she’s been here she’s never done this trail, it is very possibly the best hike she has ever been on. Christen seems to have recovered from her moment on the rock, laughing and joining in as Jackson and Tobin pretend to be superheroes on a mission. As they summit a pretty steep hill Tobin’s jaw actually drops, taken aback by the sight of the large impossibly clear lake in front of her. She looks towards Christen who is staring right back at her, with a huge genuine smile on her face. 

The three of them take some time to enjoy the lake in silence. Even Jackson’s rambunctious personality seems to understand the extraordinary views in front of us. At least momentarily, because before Tobin knows it he’s chatting up other hikers and somehow weaseling his way into every family photo being taken. Tobin looks over at Christen who looks back with a shrug and giggle. This is not a new behavior for him. They sit and enjoy a lunch of pb&j sandwiches and apples, while Christen explains how Jackson’s photobombing tendencies have existed for as long as she can remember and recounts some of the more ridiculous stories for Tobin. They watch as some questionable clouds roll in and Tobin suggests they start heading back.

“Yeah we probably should.” Christen agrees glancing at the sky. “I need a few minutes alone,” Tobin watches her take a huge breath “can you watch Jackson for me?” as she attempts to summon some strength and Tobin can see that whatever it is Christen needs to do is going to be tough. 

“Of course, I’ve got him.” Christen gives her a quick nod and starts to walk away. Tobin reaches out and gently grabs Christen’s hand and pulls her into a hug. “I’ve got you too. Take your time, we’ll be right over here.” She whispers and feels a tugging at her waist. Tobin smiles into Christen’s hair when she realizes Christen is pulling a travel pack of kleenex off the belt to take with her. Tobin gives herself a mental high five for bringing them after Christen’s little warning yesterday. 

“Thank you, Batman.” Christen mumbles into Tobin’s chest. Tobin keeps one eye on Jackson and one on Christen, watching as she stops by their stuff and grabs something out of her camelback. Tobin’s eyes follow her as she walks along the lake away from other hikers before stopping at the side. Tobin eyes have followed Christen all day, unable to keep them off her, everything about her is beautiful to Tobin, not least of all the strength she senses beneath the broken. Christen takes the hand holding whatever she’d grabbed and places it slowly in the water, even from this distance Tobin can sense her devastation. Tobin’s heart breaks as she watches Christen curl her body into a ball and rest her head on her knees; every part of Tobin wishes she could run over there and comfort her, but she knows Christen wants to do this alone. Eventually Jackson comes over to Tobin, and follows her gaze to his mom. 

“She’s really sad. She pretends to be happy sometimes, for me I think, but I can see she’s really sad and I don’t know how to make her not be sad anymore.” 

“I know bud, I know. Sometimes people are sad and that’s ok. It’s ok to not always be ok. But we can work together to try and help her, how does that sound?” Tobin says over the lump lodged in her throat. A small smile touching her lips as she feels his hand slip into hers.

“Good.” 

\------

When Christen realizes the ominous clouds are getting closer she blows through the entire pack of tissues in her hand, preparing to head back to Tobin and Jackson. Still she acknowledges that there’s no hiding the fact that she’s been crying. What surprises her though, is that she catches herself smiling just a touch at the thoughtfulness of Tobin and her belt of tissues. Christen had really prepared herself for this hike to be so much more mentally exhausting than it’s been and she’s extremely grateful for Tobin and her ridiculous outfit for changing the course of the day. It’s nice to know that she’ll have positive memories associated with today along with the hard ones. 

Approaching the two of them and their matching expressions of concern Christen tries to will herself to smile. Jackson’s arms wrap around her, “It’s ok to not be ok.” He says in such a mature voice Christen can’t help but smile, as tears flood her eyes all over again. She looks up at Tobin and accepts the second pack of tissues being handed to her over his head with a look that tells Christen that those are definitely Tobin’s words coming out of his mouth.

 _Thank you._ Christen mouths back and she receives a comforting smile and nod in return. Christen has come to realize that Tobin has roughly one hundred different smiles and each one is as great as the last. Overcome with emotion again, Christen feels the need to start moving, luckily Tobin seems to sense this _of course_ and challenges Jackson to a race. Christen watches as the two of them in their ridiculous costumes take off down the trail, grateful for a few moments alone to collect herself. After a while Tobin falls back in step with her, casually grabbing her hand. Christen realizes that Tobin communicates through touch as much as words, something that’s taking a little longer for her to get used to. 

“Want to talk about it?” She asks gently after a few moments.Immediately Christen goes to shake her head, but small part of her actually does, a first since... She opens and shuts her mouth a few times, trying to find the right words. Are there even right words? She’s not sure, in the six months it’s been she’s never said them outloud. She tries one more time, before giving in and looking at Tobin and softly shaking her head. 

“I thought maybe I was ready, but I guess not.” 

“Hey no worries, I’m here if you change your mind.” Tobin responds. As she goes to release Christen’s hand Christen tightens her grip and Tobin flashes her her megawatt smile. Ok, Christen thinks, so maybe there is _one_ smile better than all the others.

The trek back to the car is significantly faster than the one up. Jackson and Tobin spend most of the time arguing about which dog on the hike was the coolest and if Jackson managed to get into six pictures or seven. When they reach the car, Christen has Jackson change out of his muddy shoes but he refuses to take off the Spiderman costume. Tobin on the other hand readily takes Christen up on my offer to borrow a clean t-shirt and some running shorts she’d brought along, changing quickly in the car. Christen considers that Tobin didn’t expect to be stuck as Batman for as long as she was, in all honesty it didn’t look that comfortable. 

“Chris, wake up.” 

_Again?!?!_ “Tobin I’m so sorry I keep falling asleep on you! I can’t believe it, I’m such horrible company.” Christen sputters, feeling so embarrassed, she seriously cannot believe she fell asleep in the car again. Well actually she kind of can, she feels like a zombie most of the time these days she sleeps so little. There must be something about the car that finally relaxes her enough to sleep. She glances up and sees amusement all over Tobin’s face. 

“I can. Come on Sleeping Beauty. Maybe next time I should dress up as a prince.” 

“Then you’d have to kiss me.” Christen feels her cheeks heat and really hopes Tobin leaves that be. Luckily Tobin just shakes her head and starts to grab stuff out of the back. Christen starts to help her, but pauses momentarily, when she hears Tobin mutter something that sounds a lot like _all the more reason_. Surely that doesn’t mean what Christen thinks that means? And what Christen really wants to know is, why does that thought cause her stomach to flip - and not in a bad way?

“So do you want to come?” Tobin asks breaking Christen out of her inner monologue.

“Huh?” Christen manages, unable to keep the distress out of her voice. She’s fairly certain her cheeks will never return to a normal color or temperature.

“The end of summer campfire party my friends are having at the hotel tonight, before we all head home tomorrow.” Tobin laughs.

“Oh um, I’m not sure I’m pretty tired and Jackson and I leave tomorrow too so I was just going to pack and rest tonight. And I wouldn’t have anyone to watch Jackson. And I don’t want you to feel like you have to babysit me on your last night here with your friends. And…”

“Chris stop.” And Tobin’s full on laughing now. “Jackson is invited also, Lauren’s daughter is going to be there, and my friend Amy who recently moved to Denver might be coming up with her sons. It’s going to be a lot of fun. Alex, Serv, and Lauren all separately told me to make sure to invite you, they all want to see you and Jackson again. Plus I’d love nothing more than to spend the rest of the night hanging out with you, it would be anything but a chore.” 

“Um well…” Christen has no idea how to respond to that.

“And if you actually need help packing I will send Lauren your way. I’m the worst or I’d offer to help personally. But I would bet money you’re already packed and ready to go.” She challenges. 

Christen rolls her eyes at how dead on Tobin was with that assumption. “What time should we be there?”


	8. And the stars line up

After tossing and turning in her bed for an hour and half, Christen finally gave up on the idea of a nap. Sure, when she wants to talk to Tobin in the car she passes right out; but the second she lays down to nap or sleep her brain begins it’s endless loop of misery and worry. She’s super grateful now that Tobin pushed her to take Jackson to the campfire because anymore time alone with her thoughts would be torture.

Shit! Speaking of the campfire, Tobin had told Christen to be there at 6:00pm but she didn’t say where _there_ is. Christen thinks it’s possible it’s the fire pit next to her building. Even though there is a firepit for each of the five buildings, she’s pretty sure this is the biggest. But is pretty irate with herself for not even having Tobin’s phone number. _Good going Chris, you’re adulting so well right now._

“Mom are you talking to yourself?”

“Hmm, no just humming.”

“Is it time to go?! I want to make s’mores with Serv and Toby! How much longer?”

“Uh, let me see, it’s almost six now, let me go change real fast and um, I guess we can just start walking to each of the fire pits until we find them.” Christen replies looking down at her sleep clothes she’d changed into after showering, because she was _hoping_ to nap.

_Knock, knock._

“I’ll get it!”

“No, Jackson stop, it’s a hotel you have no idea who it might be. I’ll be right there, don’t answer the”

“Hey Toby!” 

“...door.” Christen runs out of her room as she hears the door open and trips over one of Jackson’s pool toys falling directly into Tobin. “Shit. Sorry.”

“Mooommmmm!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But maybe next time don’t put your toys in the middle of the floor, huh bud? Hey Tobin, what’re you doing here?” Christen says, shooting Jackson her well practiced mom glare. Actually it’s a look she hasn’t had to use much recently; either because Jackson has been treating her like a fragile piece of glass instead of a mom, or because she’s been too listless to get up the energy, but Christen’s noticed that the last couple days their relationship has been getting closer to normal and it’s nice. “Tobin? You ok? What’re you doing here.” Christen asks again when Tobin doesn’t answer. Tobin still has her hands around Christen’s waist from the near face plant and Christen notices Tobin cheeks flush as she drops her hands. 

“Uh, um. Hey Chris…” Tobin mutters before clearing her throat and regaining her normal bravado. “I realized I never told you where to meet us… and you never asked. So whether or not that was intentional and you were going to flake out on us...” She quips eyebrow raised. “I figured I’d come pick you guys up, so you didn’t have the chance.”

“I wasn’t! I swear! I had just realized I had no idea where to go. We were going to just start walking around the complex looking for you guys.” Christen rapidly defends. She can feel Tobin’s eyes on every part of my body. 

“Well, uh, I mean I want you to be comfortable and all so if that’s what you want to wear, but I think, uh you might be, um cold and…” She starts while rubbing the back of her neck, and momentarily Christen thinks it’s adorable seeing someone so calm get flustered. That is until she looks down and realizes she’s still wearing her silk cami and so-short-they’re-hardly-shorts sleep shorts. 

“Whoops, I was about to change when you knocked. My bad.” Christen says with a nervous laugh as she dashes back to her room and in record time throws on her favorite pair of black jeans with rips in the knees and a white tee knotted at the center. “Better?” She asks while quickly exiting her room while slipping on her converse. Tobin’s sparkling eyes take in the outfit. 

She approaches Christen and starts to pull her hair out of the back of her shirt, “I don’t know Chris, I guess I kind of liked option number one.” She says in a low voice meant just for me.

Momentarily speechless due to the butterflies taking up residence in Christen’s stomach she simply stares open mouthed back at Tobin. When she recovers control of her voice she simply plays it off with a “Ha. Ha.” Before turning towards Jackson, “Ready to go?” 

“It’s about time.” Maybe Christen didn’t miss their normal mom/son relationship so much after all.

They head out the side door, and start to walk past the other five buildings, Tobin calling out directions to Jackson as he leads the two of them. Christen takes a moment to look up at the night sky - the storm having passed the stars are out. Unlike the view from the city the lack of street lights provides a breathtaking view, more stars than she can ever remember seeing. Tobin’s hand hits Christen’s a couple of times but she doesn’t think much of it, except for the little jolt of electricity that spreads throughout her entire body. But really Christen is so not thinking about that. Nope not at all. They get to the beginning of the walking path into town when Christen feels Tobin’s hand bump her again, Christen looks over to see Tobin’s eyes laughing at her. 

“What?”

“Mmm, nothing.” She says as their hands bumps again while their eyes remained locked. Out of the corner of Christen’s eye she sees Tobin’s hand move in again, so she decides to just grab it. Man, Tobin was smiling before…

Hand in hand they go left on a little side trail, instead of following the paved path, until it opens up past some trees into a large open space with a fire pit. It’s only a few minutes after six but it seems most of the group is already here. Jackson spots a group of three kids all around the same age as him playing by the edge of the creek. He looks back at Christen asking for permission and she gives him a little nod. Servando and Alex are over there too so she figures it’s probably safe… well on second thought the kids would probably be better off without the _grown children_ she realizes as Serv lifts Alex and starts to run into the creek with her as she screams and hits him on the back. 

“Trust me, Jackson’s fine, as much as those two joke around they’re really good about making sure the kids stay safe.” Tobin offers, following Christen’s gaze and reading her mind. _Again._

“I’m really glad you came and got us. We never would have found you here.” 

Tobin gives Christen’s hand a squeeze. “This area is for the hotel staff but most of the seasonal employees left yesterday and the regulars don’t come here much. That’s why this group always stays an extra night, so that we can have our own little end of the summer fun. 

“Hey Christen! I’m so glad you guys could come! We’ve got all the s’mores making stuff on this table and drinks are in the coolers. The blue cooler is adults only.” Lauren explains as she approaches the two of them. Her eyes drop to their intertwined hands and she and Tobin have a brief wordless conversation before she looks at Christen once more, “How was your hike this morning?” 

All the emotions come at her at once. She remembers her surprise at opening the door and finding Batman on the other side. Jacksons excitement at being Spiderman (she’d just barely managed to convince him to get out of that thing so he could clean up after the hike.) She remembers telling Tobin about my mom’s garden and saying goodbye at the lake. Christen realizes Lauren is still looking at her expecting an answer, but with the lump in her throat she knows there’s no way she can give one without falling apart. As Tobin releases her hand she almost loses it anyway, until she feels Tobin’s arm come around her waist.

“It was beautiful Cheney. And a ton of fun, you walk right along the water just about the entire way. Next year I’m taking the whole crew on it.” Tobin responds for Christen, while pulling her in a little closer.

After another quick silent conversation between the two, Lauren turns to Christen. “It sounds wonderful.” She says gently squeezing her shoulder, before excusing herself to check on the kids. Tobin’s hand strokes Christen’s arm softly as she blinks back the rest of her tears. After a minute Tobin walks over to the two coolers and grabs a couple of craft brews. 

“Oh, um, no thank you. I think I’ll just stick to water tonight.” Christen watches as Tobin grabs two bottles of water and goes to put both beers back. “Hey, I don’t mind if you drink, not at all. I don’t have a problem with drinking, I was actually quite good at it in another life.” Christen hurriedly tries to explain, “I just don’t like drinking or anything because of Jackson. I don’t want to get wasted ya know, only for him to get sick and need to go the ER or something.” Christen had a pretty typical college experience but since Jackson’s been around, she’s never been able to relax and drink unless someone else was with them who wasn’t drinking. It’s the same issue she has with taking the sleeping pills she realizes as she unsuccessfully fights back a huge yawn. 

“Hey, I just overheard what you were telling Tobin.” Lauren says from behind Christen, causing her to whirl around so fast she would’ve fallen over if Tobin hadn’t reached out and caught her _again_. “I totally get it, Jrue’s dad travels a lot and I feel the same when he’s gone. But my mom is up here this weekend and she’s going to watch her and Amy’s boys for us overnight. I’m going to take them to the room in about an hour. I already asked and she said she was more than happy to watch Jackson tonight as well. Well actually what she said was: ‘You should bring that boy you and Tobin can’t stop talking about tonight so I can meet him and so his mom can have a night off.’ But seriously it’s totally ok if you don’t feel comfortable.” 

Christen looks between Tobin and Lauren a couple of times not sure if she’s comfortable with it, she hardly knows these people. But… well she could totally use a night to relax and act her age; and this group has been nothing but kind to them. She’s really blown away by how much they’ve gone out of their way this week to include Jackson and her. Christen scans the area and finds Jackson in the midst of a ~~stick~~ sword battle with the other kids, he’s laughing and smiling. She knows he would love it if he got to have a big sleepover.

“Are you sure?” She asks Lauren, still in shock at her generosity.

“More than.” She smiles almost as big as Tobin and quickly retreats, probably so Christen can’t change her mind. 

“Um I think I’ll stick to water until Jackson leaves, but please don’t let me stop you.” Christen says quickly to Tobin. She’s starting to get a little nervous as she realizes just how long it’s been since she’s had anything more potent than an orange soda to drink. Tobin looks at her a long time before taking a beer and handing Christen a water. 

The next hour flies by. They all gather around the fire and make some s’mores. Jackson, Tobin, and Servando get into a competition to see who can eat the most; Christen gives the ones she makes to Jackson and Tobin since Alex has a near constant supply available for Servando. Christen gets the sense that Alex is a little competitive. When they run out of graham crackers it’s officially declared a tie - mostly because while Alex was counting for Serv, they realized no one was actually keeping count for the other two. The three of them high five, while Alex storms off with a scowl. Ok, so competitive might be an understatement. 

Christen decides to go with Lauren to drop the kids off, so that she can meet her mom, Rita, who is every bit as nice and capable as her daughter. In the ten minutes Christen was there introducing herself and chatting Rita had all four kids cleaned up, into fun new pajamas she’d bought them, and laying down in front of a movie. When Christen tried to thank her for probably the thirtieth time, she shooed Lauren and her out the door. 

Walking back Christen became completely overwhelmed at the generosity Jackson and her have received this week. “Lauren, you and Tobin, and everyone else really, have been so kind, I can’t even begin to tell you how much better this week got after meeting you.” She says wiping a tear from her cheek. Christen’s always been more prone to crying when she’s tired. Lauren catches the motion, stops and wraps her up in a big hug. It’s different than Tobin’s hugs, it’s a mother’s hug, and oh boy, Christen needed it. After a few moments she releases her and they continue walking. 

“My weeks been better for knowing you too... and Tobin’s definitely has been.” She finishes shooting Christen a sly smile. Christen turn my head forward as an uncomfortable laugh leaves her lips. 

“Chris! You’re back! You ready to let loose a little?” Tobin says bounding up to her and Lauren as they reach the clearing. 

“Um, I guess.” Christen responds throwing her arms up. 

“Hey, look no pressure, if you still don’t want to drink no one here will care. We can just have a chill child-free night.” Tobin says after assessing the response. 

“No, no I want to have a little, it’s just, man it’s been a while.” Tobin offers a reassuring smile and hands over a beer, Christen’s favorite beer from a brewery located near where she grew up. 

“How do you do it? How did you know this was my favorite? It’s like you always know what I need! Seriously how?” Christen demands. In response Tobin just bursts into laughter. “What? I’m serious.” 

“Amy and her husband brought a bunch up here for the night, he’s the new owner of the brewery. This is literally the only beer we have since the rest of us are too cheap to buy more when this is free. But I’m glad you like it.” She finally gets out as her laughter dies down. “And I don’t think I always know what you need, but I like trying to figure out what I can do to make you happy.” She adds softly. 

“Oh.”


	9. And it's out last first kiss.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin pulls back a little, “Chris, stop.” She whispers and tries to meet Christen’s leaking eyes but they’re closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is 100% going to be a HEA and there won't be much angst or drama... but a little never hurt ;)

Even in the fading sunlight Tobin can see Christen’s blush. She loves how expressive Christen’s face is, even if it means she can’t hide the sadness. Maybe that’s why Tobin likes it, because if it were up to Christen, Tobin’s sure she’d keep all that pain to herself and Tobin wouldn’t have known she was struggling. In just the few days they’ve been hanging it out it’s been fucking amazing to see more and more joy in Christen features, and although the pain is still there it’s not as all consuming as before. Tobin watches her take a few small sips of her beer, and her eyes lingering on Christen’s lips a little longer than appropriate. Tobin feels she got lucky as Christen doesn’t seem to notice. 

While Christen and Lauren went to take the kids to the room the rest of them transformed the area from a PG affair to something a little more adult. Christen takes in the transformation eventually throwing her head back in laughter. “Oh my goodness, Tobin, it’s like every college kids dream out here.” Tobin looks around and smiles, she’s not kidding. The s’mores table is now the beer pong table, another folding table has been set up for flip cup, and there are cards near the fire pit for kings cup. “Except we don’t get the excitement of worrying about any under-aged kids showing up and getting caught.”

“Well technically Mal, over there, is only 19, but the chances we get in trouble are next to zero. We could always pretend if it you need some extra excitement.” 

“Hmm, might be fun, and I could yell at Alex to turn the music down.” Christen responds, putting a finger to her chin with a small smile.

“Over my dead body!” Huh, Alex must have heard that. 

“Or maybe not.” Christen giggles. “So what should we do first?”

“Well personally I love a game of flip cup,” Tobin says and Christen scrunches up her nose. “But if I recall correctly someone here is a fan of _playing with balls_ so maybe beer pong?” Christen’s mouth drops and Tobin can’t stop herself from laughing. 

“Ha ha. You joke, but you won’t be laughing when Alex and I kick your ass. Alex! Will you be my partner?” Now Tobin’s the one left open mouthed as Alex and Christen fist bump and take their place on one end of the table, while Serv joins her on the other. 

“Told ya, you wouldn’t be laughing.” Christen whispers in Tobin’s ear after she and Alex demolished the other team. Serv and Tobin hit two cups on their first go, getting balls back. But once Alex and Christen started shooting, they never got another chance. Honestly Tobin would lose every game she ever played for the rest of her life if it meant having Christen whispering in her ear. Tobin snags her around the waist, earning a shriek, and brings her to the flip cup table. “Hey I was just getting started, winners get to stay! We’re queens of the table!” Christen protests with a little pout. She’s only had one beer plus a little from the cup Tobin hit, but it’s safe to say she’s already feeling it. 

“We’re on the same team this time, I’m not losing to your Highness again.” 

“Fine.” Pout. “Your loss though serf.” And lose they did. Watching Christen try to chug her beer is painful. Like she actually seemed to be in physical pain, and her attempts to flip her cup were not much better. Eventually Tobin flipped hers for her. She knew it was a sad sight when Alex didn’t even argue about them cheating. 

“So, flip cup is not your game.”

“Oh Sherlock, however did you solve that one?” Christen groans. “Seriously I’m so sorry, that was so embarrassing. I was never any good at flip cup.” Tobin looks over at Christen and is shocked to see tears pooling her eyes. 

“Chris, seriously it’s ok, I thought it was kind of cute. Don’t cry.” Tobin watches her cheeks redden but the tears start to fall anyway.

“Sorry, I tend to get a little emotional when I drink, and when I’m tired, which I am all the time, and when it’s quiet, and when I’m thinking, and I’m going to shut up now. Can we sit down?” Christen rambles as she starts to sit where they stand. She’s probably had at most two beers in the last hour, but it’s safe to say she’s drunk. 

“Ok you, we can sit down, but maybe not here.” Tobin tries to lift her up but she goes limp. Laughing now, “Come on Chris, look how comfy those chairs look over there by the fire, that’s it stand up.” Eventually they make it to camp chairs by the fire. Tobin pulls two next to each other and takes a seat. Christen looks at her and then back at the empty chair and then back at Tobin. Christen takes her bottom lip between her teeth before plopping down on Tobin’s lap, banging their heads in the process. “Fuck.”

“Oops.” She giggles, looking down at Tobin with wide eyes and a small smile. Tobin takes her thumbs and brushes away the last of Christen’s tears. Happy to see her smiling again even if it means ending up with a lump on her forehead. Tobin wrap my arms around Christen’s waist and smiles when she leans into her resting her head on Tobin’s shoulder. The rest of the group finishes up the last of their games and clean up before joining them. 

They hang around the fire for a couple of hours. Tobin manages to get Christen to eat a little pizza they’d brought, since she noticed Christen hadn’t eaten any s’mores and she’d guessed Christen hadn’t had anything to eat since the hike either. The food seems to help and Tobin can tell she’s sobered up entirely, but Christen stays on her lap and Tobin is not sad about that. They listen as everyone reminisces on the summer and some of their favorite memories, often bringing the whole group to tears with laughter. When it’s Tobin’s turn to share her favorite memory, she steals a glance at the girl in her arms. “Everything about this last week.” she says and feels Chris shutter in her arms. Christen lifts her head and their eyes lock. 

“Me too.” She whispers. There’s a collective “awww” from the group and Christen buries her head in Tobin’s neck causing her to laugh faintly. Tobin’s fingers find the strip of skin between her jeans and her shirt and she start drawing little designs there, causing Christen to nestle further into Tobin as content sound to escapes her lips. 

The rest of the group keeps talking, while Tobin fields a couple of questioning looks. In response, she simply give a small shrug of her right shoulder. Tobin honestly don’t know what’s happening. She likes Christen, _duh_. She gave up trying to deny it a few days ago. And she’s pretty certain Christen likes her too, but it’s hard to tell. Clearly Christen is going through so much, and although Tobin thinks the feelings are mutual, she’s pretty sure Christen is confused by it. At one point in her life that would cause Tobin to run the other direction, but not with Christen. She might be confused but she doesn’t seem uncomfortable or upset, about her feelings towards Tobin at least. And Tobin is pretty set on being there for Christen in whatever way she needs her. She knows they both leave tomorrow but she is going to get Christen’s number and do whatever it takes to stay in touch.

A few members of the group start bickering about whose version of some story is correct. Tobin’s not really paying attention, her thoughts wrapped around the beautiful girl on her lap. Christen must be paying more attention though, because after a few moments she mumbles against Tobin’s neck “Y’all are like family.” 

Chuckling a little Tobin responds. “Yeah I guess we are.” Christen goes quiet again for awhile, and Tobin’s beginning to wonder if she’s fallen asleep when she hears her again.

“I miss them.” 

Tobin’s heart breaks at the sad confession. “Who?” 

“Everyone.” Her body starts to shake a little and Tobin’s pretty sure she’s crying. Lauren locks eyes with Tobin and then announces quietly that she’s going to head back. It’s not long before everyone else has left too. It’s just Tobin and Christen sitting around the dying fire. Tobin sits quietly, letting Christen cry as she runs her hand gently up and down Christen’s back. Eventually her body stops shaking and she lifts her face up and looks at Tobin, Tobin helps her wipe away the last of her tears. Christen finally breaks the silence, “I feel so alone.” 

“Hey, you’re not alone, you’ve got me.” Christen’s eyes drop to her lips, Tobin’s also drop and she sees Christen is once again is toying with her bottom lip. Before Tobin knows what’s happening Christen is leaning down and their lips meet in a hesitant graze. Tobin feels her whole body warm as she meets Christen’s lips. It’s perfection the way their lips move, slotting together perfectly. It’s a gentle kiss but Tobin feels it throughout her whole body. She’s just about to deepen the kiss when, she feels wet drops on her cheeks. Tobin pulls back a little, “Chris, stop.” She whispers and tries to meet Christen’s leaking eyes but they’re closed. Tobin wants this but she won’t take advantage of Christen’s vulnerable state, she worries she shouldn’t haven’t even let it get that far, but she’s sure she wouldn’t have been able to resist. When Christen finally opens her eyes though, the look in them is a wild kind of fear.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I thought that.... I’m sorry.” She blurts out and jumps off Tobin’s lap taking off down the path. Tobin struggles to put out the rest of the fire, she’s never had to do it before but knows she can’t just leave it, she does leave the chairs with the fire finally out and I takes off looking for Christen. She’s still trying to wrap her head around what just happened, man she really hopes she didn’t mess this up. Tobin reaches Christen’s room and knocks loudly, multiple times, but gets no answer. 

“Christen, are you there? It’s me, open the door. Let’s just talk about it, it’s ok.” She tries for a while longer but eventually gives up. Either Christen’s not in there or she’s not going to answer. Tobin wanders around for a bit - walking the slightly lit path from building to building. She’s trying to think of where else Christen might have gone, eventually she tries Christen’s room one final time. When that doesn’t work she gives in and calls Lauren.Tobin tells Lauren what happened, leaving out one small detail, and is both relieved and worried that she’s equally as concerned. She tells Tobin to meet her at her moms room, since Christen will have to come by to get Jackson at some point. Tobin hurries through the complex to Lauren’s mom's room, but when she get theres and sees the look on Lauren’s face she knows it’s not good.

“I’m sorry Tobin, my mom said she came by a little while ago and took Jackson. Said she decided they would back to Denver tonight to avoid the traffic.” 

_Fuck._


End file.
